Baby Thievery

Robyn and I had come to visit with a friend who was waiting to deliver at Valley Care Medical Center and we had Kathryn, our three week old daughter.  When Robyn delivered at Kaiser in Walnut Creek we were told children under 12 were not allowed unless they were siblings and, if I had thought about it, I would have assumed this would be the same at VCMC.  However, our friend hadn't mentioned this rule, so it didn't cross my mind and we brought her along.  Of course we were stopped immediately at the front desk and I was sent home with Kathryn to feed her while Robyn visited with our friends.  That's how I ended up in the elevator, alone with my daughter, and almost found myself in a rent-a-cop prison (which doubles as the hospital's janitorial supplies closet).


As the doors to the labor and delivery elevator were closing a nurse who happened to be walking by paused to ask, "Did you sign your baby out?" and just as they closed, I replied with a casual, "nope."  I knew what she was really asking me though, since Kathryn had just been released from the NICU two weeks before and the process for taking your baby home was still fresh in my memory.  She thought I was stealing a baby, and might have been especially sensitive since a baby went missing in another local hospital just a few weeks before.

I actually made it all the way outside with my "stolen" baby as booty before they ran me down with shouts of "sir, please stay where you are," "do not move," and "we need to inspect your baby."  I briefly thought about running just to see how far I could get before they gave up, but on the off chance the gun in his holster wasn't just the squirt kind, I decided to stop.  It wouldn't be my first time in police handcuffs, but I hadn't done anything wrong this time so I turned around to face the badged man with the gun, a hospital administrator with a whistle, and a nurse calling in a "code pink" on her walkie talkie.  They told me that my baby had a bracelet on her leg which needed to be removed before she left the hospital, and were a little flustered when I explained to them that my girl had been born three weeks prior at Kaiser in Walnut Creek.  I told them I was pretty sure she didn't have an alarm bracelet, but they were welcome to check.

I've since thought about going back to test their procedures.  I had gotten all the way out to the parking lot before they stopped me and, since there was a blanket over the car seat the entire time, I was pretty sure they had never actually seen a baby.  Next time I'll load it with a sack of potatoes and toss it in the bushes as I dive into the getaway car.  Anybody wanna drive for me?